Tuesday, 12 February 2013

What you imagine VS the Truth

When you are pregnant you imagine everything from the time you in labor to the time she is grown and planning on flying the nest.

You picture her first smile, her giggle... her cry. You picture how she will look and how she will talk. If she will be a kind caring and loving person. Who will she be like more, You or her Father. Which traits of whom will she have, will she have your eyes or his. Will she be stubborn just like the mother or hard headed like the dad. Full of worries that her dad has or the artistic love her mother has???

All of this is what makes the beauty of being pregnant. Being able to imagine a life so perfect and so pure. Nothing could fail you as a family and nothing could brake your bond with your baby girl after picturing such perfection. The perfection that God has provided to you. The perfection of life!

Yet life seems to have a whole different out look on this picture and it always seems to twist it and destroy the image of pure beauty. Throwing complications all way round.

I was due near the end of February this year, was hoping for an early birthday present and the perfect valentines day gift for my man... reality said other wise.

I went into labor on the 6th of January this year. 7 Weeks early and no doctor to deliver my baby. My last check up, my doctor turned to me and said he was not insured to do this procedure. His wife was full as she was only allowed to do a certain amount according to her insurance agreement. That was the Tuesday before my labor...
Saturday I had terrible tummy cramps such so I curled up and could not release my body... Turns out those were contractions. Being my first child I had no Idea what I was looking for. The next morning I woke to the site of blood, as if I was on my menstrual cycle. In sheer panic I got a hold of my older sister, who has two children of her own, just to find out what was going on. She told me to get to the hospital that what that was, was called "the show" in a pregnancy. In simple terms its like the plug to a bath was pulled. That I was in fact in labor. As a first time mother you have to now realised I was petrified. Now having my baby earlier than I expected, My sister telling me that there is a safe zone before 8 months but if the baby came in 8 months there would be complications. Something could be wrong with my baby. Besides all of that, I had no doctor to deliver my baby. I phone my aunts family doctor who delivered her grandson. He in a very short way said to me he was not taking on the responsibility of another doctors mess and rick the chance of being sued... Now who in their right mind worries about his pocket than the life of a baby.. obviously a greedy hound dog.
To my rescue the Lord has always been there. I tried one more doctor and he was polite, calm and concerned about both me and the baby. What a doctor should be like. He told me to get to the hospital and he will meet me there. That was at 12:30 in the afternoon. He did a scan and gave me tablets to help stop the contractions and the dilation, to stop the labor. By 17:00 I was 4cm Dilated. My baby was coming and nothing was stopping her. She was born at 18:20 6th of January 2013.
And can I tell you. She had a set of vocals on her. My in laws could hear her out the theater down the hall and on the other side of the door that they were standing by. She was beautiful.

Here comes the first curve ball in life. My placenta was completely cultivated, which meant that my body was aging faster than the development of my child. She was not obtaining the nutrients that she needed to carry to full term.
I had a C-Section done, as my doctor was afraid that natural birth will be to dangerous.
to my doctors surprise I was smiling and giggling after the operation. He turned to me and said that I was not a normal patient. He said it was not normal to see a woman go through an operation like that and still be smiling and giggling. I turned to him and simply said it was because I was not a normal person myself.

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

The first Look at your Bundle of Joy

I will never forget the first ultra sound. The very first time I got to see my baby. My tummy was still small and just starting to show. To see that little body on the screen and watch how busy that little one was. Did not like the sound waves the ultra sound gave off. Kept moving away from the thing couldn't seem to get a good picture.

The tears rolled down my cheek. The smile that was on my Fiance's face from ear to ear, give the joker a run for his money I promise you that. The sense of pride I felt. The feeling of nervousness and being scared, would I be a good parent, how will they look at me... so many different questions and emotions in one day. But the one that stood out from them all was the fact I was going to be a mum and all i could picture was my man holding his daughter/son for the first time, and how that big man structure will just melt away into this marshmallow cuddly being. But also the fear I will only be able to see knowing exactly what he will be thinking, will we be able to give that little being everything that they will deserve...

The sudden realisation hits you like a ton of bricks when you see little one for the first time. Realisation of reality. Of the responsibility you now have on your hands. Now your life begins with worry. I thought I worried for nothing, but now my worries will have all the reasons to be there.

When my doctor asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, before I could answer my fiance said yes, he was hoping for a baby girl. He told me he would not be able to parent another one of himself. Story goes your baby and the trouble they give you is ten fold to what we gave our parents all so we can turn around and say to them we are so sorry.
To our happiest dreams, it was a little girl. We named her Annabelle Dawn, after all the names we went through and saying no to each other. We sat down one night on our bed with the baby book and looked till we saw Annabeth, I liked it but he did not. So I found Annabelle and he like Dawn putting them together gave me this sense of beauty. The beauty I know she will have both inside and out.

Each time we went for our scans we would check to see if it was still a baby girl just to make sure. Each time there was almost no doubt for my doctor that it was a girl.

That was it my time was a mom was now perfect. I was to be a mom to a little princess!!

Joys of being Pregnant Part 2

There is more to the joys of being pregnant than just the kicking and moving.
There is more than that by far.

The joys of being pregnant I find is that of the emotional connection I have made with my Fiance! The way he watches me then out of no where just suddenly smiles at me to say its nothing...
There is nothing more mind blowing than the way things between you two suddenly grow and strengthen...
Don't get me wrong, in the beginning we fought like, can't say cat and dog cause they seem to get along alot better than what we did. I will say I caused alot of the conflict. Not knowing what mood I'm in from one minute to the next, was for me quite scary and being unpredictable was never easy for me. Not being able to know what you feel or how you will react to the smallest of things. Emotions can be the biggest problem in a relationship once you are pregnant, if your relationship was not strong in the beginning before the little one said start to expect me, you could be in for a very rough ride. Mine was in the early romantic stage. Still all googoo eyed for each other and want to be with each other all the time. Funny enough our fighting showed me what I truly had and what I never wanted to loose. I will stop all communication with everyone if it would save our relationship. Never got to that but now we are stronger than ever, open with one another and no longer walking on egg shells. We are truly happy and more in love than ever before.

The connection you make with your partner through these 9 months become the ground work in the relationship you will have together as parents, and well some day we will know what that is like.

Never take him for granted ladies. All men are dogs my mom once told me. You get the Pavement Specials, the Low Life Runts, The Well Trained Pups, and your Pedigrees!! Lucky for me I got me self a Pedigree!! And no woman will ever get it right to take him away, Not after all we have been through together!

Love your man for who he is now, and once you fall preggers, you will see his true colours. If he is worth it all you will know when you give him the good news. His reaction to those small words "I'm Pregnant" will reveal who he really is. And if he is worth it, he will make you feel like his queen all through those 9 months. But if he is truly worth it he will be treating you like his queen already!!

The joys os being emotional for 9 months and know you will have a connection strong as anything with both your man and your baby. Makes all the stretch marks big tummy and extra weight all worth it in the end.

Friday, 25 January 2013

The Joys of being Pregnant

There are plenty joys in life, but I can say from experience that there is none more rewarding, none more amazing, none more captivating and none more emotional than that of the pregnancy road.

The beauty of it all is that you don't go through that journey alone. You have that special person with you through it all. Every special movement every kick and every emotion is worth it with that little one inside of you. When you have that special someone with you and going through this experience with you brings you two closer. Your bond grows and stays strong through everything. You look at him with this love that was there but I can promise you that it was nothing like it is now. You look at him with an intensity filled with love that can never change. And one thing about loving someone like that is that you will be able to go through anything and be able to talk openly. Be able to express what is on your mind and in a way not stress about what he thinks, if he does not like what you said you can blame the hormones that are out of wack but if he does then you both grow... but if you two love each other full heartedly you wont need to turn around and say its the hormones. He will know what you mean and will not judge you on it.

The emotions are not the only beauty of being pregnant. The connection you create with your man is only the beginning. You as a person feel different. You start talking to your tummy and with yourself have a full conversation. Just so your little bundle can recognise your voice once you bring them into this world. You sing more, you feel up lifted and happy more than anything. Well thats how I was. With each and every day that passed and you can feel that little one growing inside of you, I was over the moon. I was happy every day. I had a sparkle in my eye, I had not negative look at my future. I had the man of my Dreams, He loved me more than I could ever ask for, our relationship could not be any stronger than it was... but then we find out the two of us have created life all through the love we share for one another. There was no way i could turn around and say my future had a negative aspect within it. I was over the moon 24/7!!

Any woman who reads this and is pregnant, or had been through that beautiful stage of her life will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Who will ever forget the first time their child kicked in their tummy. The first movement. The first kick into the rib cage. The endless rushing to the bathroom for nothing but a dripple.. those couple of drops that just annoyed you beyond comprehension. I never will.
I can still recall the very first day my little Annabelle kicked. I was at work and in a conversation with my college suddenly *doof*. I got such a Fright. I stopped in mid sentence grabbed my tummy. Carmen smiled and said was that the first kick. Will never forget that feeling. Will never be able to.

And from then on if Annabelle would lie still for 5 minutes it would be a long time. She was so busy, and lucky for me. I don't know if I had a still quiet baby, I would be full of worries if they are ok, If something was wrong. But she kept moving and kept letting me know she was fine.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Nothing more precious than a Child

There is nothing more precious then that of a relationship between a mother and her daughter.
A mother has a connection with her children that a father will not understand, and may not be able to fathom.  A mother has a connection from day one. From the day she finds out this incredible news that she is going to give birth. That she is going to bring life into this world.

But what people don't realise is that this connection changes that woman forever. That her mind set is no longer on herself or on her partner, but now in the set of being the beginning of a family. Being the reason they will grow not just as partners and love each other more but in the case of individuals. A baby being brought into this world is a huge step and a gigantic change to their mind sets and emotional levels as people. You can not be a child to raise a child. You need to know that, that little individual is depending on you to keep him or her healthy, to feed them on time, to know what each and every little cry means. They cant turn around and say they need this or that. They look at us with those beautiful eyes waiting for us to read their thoughts. To just know.

I had that chance. I found out that I was going to bring in a beautiful little bundle of joy into this world. That I was going to give my fiance the one thing more to prove to him I will always be there, I will love him till death do us part. That was the only gift I could give him that NO ONE else could. and to tell you what, my head was spinning with joy. When I had my test done, there was no waiting period, just as quick as 1... 2... 3... And I was a mom. And he was a dad.

Such a small little object can bring such an immaculate change in peoples lives.

I will never forget the day I found out, the day I had to brake the news to him and the day we broke the news to the family...
I was not feeling well for a few days and it was all unusual symptoms. But also not the usual googled symptoms of pregnancy either. I didn't expect to be pregnant because I was on the injection, and normally it is a very very low rate to fall pregnant, and some say it could be impossible, unless you were sleeping together while on anti-biotics... in my case I was not. However God works in mysterious ways. I went to the clinic to see what could be the problem. The sister was the one who did my injections and she knew of the possibilities yet she still said we should do one to rule it out. So I did, being so positive that it will be negative I was on another planet thinking what could be wrong...
in thought what brought me back was a casual "Your pregnant". That was not even enough time for the strips to appear, but there they were, two small pink strips...
I did my things that needed to be done in town, and got home a good few hours after the news was given to me. sitting in the car looking at the test did it only fit me 100%. I was to become a mother.
My fiance had worked night shift the night before and was more than likely still asleep when I got home... walking into the room he was just waking up. I sat next to him on the bed, I still remember the words I used "Are you awake?" I asked him. "Ja..." was his reply. Very casual but still half asleep. "NO! Are you awake?" I asked again "I need to tell you something, I'm Pregnant." I timed hid silence it was a cold 3minutes I have ever had. "Now I'm awake" was all he could say.
He wanted to see the test to be sure and I showed him. "OK, first coffee then we will talk."
We didn't even get to the coffee, walking into the lounge his parents were sitting there and before we could say anything his father asked us when are we going to get married. I didn't want to say anything, but my backing out the lounge gave it away. It told them straight out that something was up. We told them, the one we were most afraid of disappointing was his father, but he jumped up immediately and congratulated us. His mom asked all the questions, What about the injection. What about protection... once that was off her chest, she hugged me and we both started to cry.

So I say for you again, there is nothing more Precious than being able to bring a child into this world!